What Lesson Took Me the Longest to Learn?
The Lesson I have yet to master:
As I see myself beating myself up about this, I realize that I have packed pretty much EVERYTHING in this category.
Minute by minute kindness and compassion.
Immediate follow up on every thought and commitment.
Sleeping schedule. Bill paying schedule. Writing schedule. The list goes on and on.
So why do I call it all Self Discipline?
Why do I want my life to be so scheduled,
so ruled by my never ending “Have-to-Do” list?
Not only do I hear this constant call to action, but that Inner Voice,
the nasty “She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,”
exhorts me to: Execute. Excellence. Every. Time.
After all, as Maya Angelou said, “If you know better, you do better.”
Because, THEN, if I did all the above,
I would be perfect.
And I would be done.
And I could relax and enjoy my perfection which would somehow
gain its own impetus and continue on without me even thinking about it.
In other words, I would become a robot.
I deeply admired Mr. Data from Star Trek.
An android always achieving perfection but secretly wanting to achieve humanity.
So why am I wanting to reverse engineer myself? Replace my human faults and imperfections with robotic perfection?
The answer: So people will like me and admire me and want to be my friend.
Sounds like the wishes of a 5-year old child instead of a “Senior” like me.
So, in the spirit of human imperfection, I am going to change my answer.
The lesson that has taken me the longest to learn–
and I am obviously still learning–
is Self Acceptance.
I AM “in process.”
I AM doing the best that I can.
Most days. And the days that I’m not,
well, there’s always tomorrow. Or the next day.
After all, I’m only human!