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Category Archives: Love

What Was An “Ah Ha” Moment For You?

Wise Women Chronicles

My Ah Ha Moment Was About My Sis:

A couple of years ago our Book Club read “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed (back when we were actually reading books instead of discussing Life). If you haven’t read the book or seen the movie starring Reese Witherspoon, do so.  Both are worthy of your time and your tears.

I was quite uncomfortable reading about the lifestyle and risks Cheryl Strayed took.  At our meeting I emphatically stated, “It is totally unnecessary to personally experience the peaks and valleys someone else takes on their Hero’s Journey in order to learn the lessons.  You can simply analyze another’s journey, compare it to your own and then make the changes that would incorporate that knowledge without the pain.” Emphasis on without the pain.

I still believe that argument, to a certain extent.  Logically, life could not have kept moving forward if evolution hadn’t included moments of “Oh, don’t try to pet that saber tooth tiger like your dead friend did.  Kill it before it kills you!”  We humans are trainable.

My AHA moment came several days later during a therapeutic massage/somato emotional release when I connected my anger with Cheryl’s “Wild” life and my residual anger with one of my siblings.  Sis #3 whose own Wild life came to an abrupt end in 2007 at the age of 42.

Despite her self destructive life choices, Cheryl Strayed changed her life as she took her Hero’s Journey walking 1,100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) for 94 days.  She learned her lessons, restarted her life, wrote her book and shared her hard won wisdom with millions of people.  Cheryl continues writing books, touring the country and inspiring people to find their Truth.

My Sis didn’t walk the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT).  She climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. Sis white water rafted.  Biked across the Midwest. Participated in triathlons.  Catapulted up the corporate chain.  She was the Queen of Charm and the Princess of Everything Else. Her highs were sooo high.  Those of us who loved her thrilled at her adventures and tucked a tiny portion of her successes into our souls. We were filled with pride and admiration of her courage and tenacity.

Sis also walked the path that led Cheryl Strayed to the PCT.  A path littered with abusive partners, addiction, deceit and desperation.  Her lows were bottomless.  Those of us who loved her worried and watched with concern during those dark years.  After an intervention and some serious life work Sis, like Cheryl, came out on the other side. She made it through the woods.  She completed her Hero’s Journey, learned her lessons, made many changes, found more peace than she had previously known–and then boom. Speeding down a hill on her bike, she did not brake nor see the truck.

My anger, I realized, was not at they way she used to live, but that she no longer lived. So many people loved her.  She had fierce friends.  Respected colleagues.  Family that adored her.  She lit up a room and lived her life full out.  As a little girl she used to say, “Look at me!”  And we all did.  She did not burn both ends of a candle.  Sis burned both ends of a huge Roman candle.  The resulting fireworks display was memorable and magnificent!  And in the end, deadly.

Eleven years later, I still miss her. Watching her life was like watching the solar eclipse.  Thrilling up to the point when you have to look away or else be blinded. Sis did not blink.  Ever.  I am now at peace because I believe she accomplished all she came to Earth to experience and she has moved on to her next great adventure.  One that us mere mortals cannot see.

AHA moments are filled with joy, wonder and tears.
And sometimes pain.
I am so grateful that my little sister
continues to teach me
how to live
with all the above.

 

Posted in Acceptance, Addiction, Change, Death, Experience, Hero's Journey, Love, Memory, Mission, Self Awareness

How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

Wise Women Chronicles

I Want To Be Remembered: As someone who unabashedly and out loud expressed my feelings of joy, surprise, glee or sorrow. I did so as a child. Why not as an adult? As a person who spoke her truth, without stooping to sarcasm or snarkiness. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. So people will know what I stand for and what I won’t tolerate. As a Mom who loved my kids with the fierceness of a protective lioness, the gentle nurturing of a doe, the playfulness of a squirrel and the wisdom of the mother bird who demonstrates to her children how to safely and successfully leave the nest and build their own. As a wife who loved, respected and appreciated my husband as a fellow human, my life partner, the father and co-raiser of my children, an excellent provider, protector and heart mate. As a … Continue reading →

Posted in Children, Death, Experience, Listening, Love, Marriage, Memory, Motherhood, Self Awareness

How Well Do You Handle Emergencies?

Wise Women Chronicles

How I Handle Emergencies: In the far past—really poorly. Hubby loves to regale friends and family with stories of when I used to faint at the sight of blood.    My own as well as others. Non-blood emergencies I did not handle much better. Getting lost?  Total panic. Unfamiliar technology?  Total confusion. Conflict and shouting? Total shutdown. Or the reverse of Flight and I went into full knight in armor Fight mode. By midlife—fair to middling. After years of therapy, 12 step programs, metaphysical training and personal growth workshops I was better prepared and more emotionally mature.   Fight or flight turned into stand and  face. Less yelling and crying and more calm detachment and intellectualizing. More recently—pretty well!  I have been able to add Trust, Compassion, Calmness and Clarity to my set of emergency handling skills. Those skills were hard won from years of dealing with family dramas and … Continue reading →

Posted in Experience, Faith, Grace, gratitude, Love, Memory, Safety, Self Awareness

Can You Predict If A Marriage Will Be Successful?

Wise Women Chronicles

Yes.  Will It Last Forever?  Maybe… A few years ago, our Nephew proposed to his lady love.  We were delighted and I sent him this letter: Dear Nephew: First of all, congratulations!  You have taken so many small and huge steps in your progression to manhood and maturity. We have all vicariously enjoyed your many triumphs and rarely had to commiserate on any tragedies. Your latest life step–proposing to your Lady–takes you to a whole new level. My crystal ball, into which I am gazing, (which looks remarkably like an iPad) shows me your future.   I see work and career.  Long hours and longer meetings.   Transitions and transfers and traveling.  Money earned and money spent. Those are the things that will populate your future life. What will FILL your life is your love for and with your Lady. I see romantic evenings and rocky times.   Fussing and kissing, … Continue reading →

Posted in College, Happiness, Love, Marriage, Self Awareness, Soul

If Little Girls Are Made of Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice, What Are You Made Of?

Wise Women Chronicles

What Am I Made Of? My Daddy’s Mom was soft and round. So am I. She smiled and called squirrels and birds to her side. So do I. My Mommys’ Mom was clean and hard. So am I. She looked after folks and organized lives. So do I. My Daddy’s Dad was silly and hard working. So am I. He honored the past and created the future. So do I. My Mommy’s Dad was short and strong. So am I. He loved to work with his crafty hands. So do I. My Daddy was smart, determined and proud. So am I. He stood straight and met life with his chin. So do I. My Mommy is small and fierce in her love. So am I. She challenged her kids and stood by her man. So do I. So where is the sugar and where is the spice? It’s all in … Continue reading →

Posted in Children, Fathers/Fatherhood, Love, Motherhood, Parenting, Self Awareness

When is Your Hardest Time of the Year?

Wise Women Chronicles

  My Hardest Times of the Year–July and January. My Months of Loss. My sister and my father in July. My two sister in laws in January. Months we celebrate Independence and New beginnings. For me, these months were painful.  Unbearable. So I wrote down my sadness.  Rolled in my sorrow. After time and tears, I began to feel joy again, And I rejoiced, Knowing they had safely journeyed Home. Here are some of my messages, to them and to those of us left behind, waiting to be reunited. We do not choose our fates and futures. They choose us. Because we have earned them. Because they move us along our path. They are not punishments. They are rewards. For being human, And vulnerable, And open To Love. I don’t simply admire my brothers. I aspire to be like my brothers. Gentle. Loving. Filled not with Duty but with Devotion. … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Change, Death, Love, Memory, Self Awareness

What is the Greatest Lesson Your Father Taught You?

Wise Women Chronicles

What is the Greatest Lesson My Father Taught Me? A parent is always a parent, no matter how long they–or you–live. A wise parent knows when to stop actively parenting and just BE a parent. Family was everything to my father.  Sure, he loved his sports, his work, traveling.  But his true love was our Mom and us five kids. He worked hard to provide a comfortable life for his family.  Clothes. Camping. College.  As his success increased so did his free time. Instead of giving that time to himself, he gave it to us. I left the nest first. As each of us kids flew off, every year our parents provided us a way home.  They were united in their commitment to keep us kids close to them and close to each other.  Vacation destinations were offered as loving bait to bring us back together. As our individual families … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Dreams, Fathers/Fatherhood, Love, Memory, Self Awareness

What is the Lesson That Took You the Longest to Learn?

Wise Women Chronicles

What Lesson Took Me the Longest to Learn? The Lesson I have yet to master: Self Discipline. As I see myself beating myself up about this, I realize that I have packed pretty much EVERYTHING in this category. Diet. Exercise. Meditation. Mindfulness Minute by minute kindness and compassion. Immediate follow up on every thought and commitment. Sleeping schedule. Bill paying schedule. Writing schedule. The list goes on and on. So why do I call it all Self Discipline? Why do I want my life to be so scheduled, so ruled by my never ending “Have-to-Do” list? Not only do I hear this constant call to action, but that Inner Voice, the nasty “She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,” exhorts me to: Execute. Excellence. Every. Time. After all, as Maya Angelou said, “If you know better, you do better.” Because, THEN, if I did all the above, I would be perfect. And I would be done. … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Love, Self Awareness, Soul

Who Would You Like to Have a “Curiosity Conversation With?

Wise Women Chronicles

Who Would I Like to Have a Curiosity Conversation With? I would talk to someone who has passed on.  My Dad. I would ask him about his childhood, growing up in the Al Capone/Chicago mafia controlled Cicero, Illinois. I’m curious about his parents coming over from Europe as teenagers. How did they meet? Who and what did they leave behind? Then I’d ask him about the two wars he fought in–World War II and Korea–that he always refused to discuss with us kids.  Was he scared?  How did he cope?  What thoughts gave him courage?  How did war change him? I’m curious about he felt about playing college football and falling in love with the cheerleader who became his wife and my Mom.  What made college so special that he went back to his reunions every year for over 50 years? I want to know more about my childhood.  What … Continue reading →

Posted in Death, Fathers/Fatherhood, Love, Memory

What Would Happen If Everyone Could Just Love Each Other?

Wise Women Chronicles

If Everyone Could Just Love Each Other… I think it would be like the vision I had one night.  Partly awake, partly still in the dream, I started crying because I was so grateful for the loving people in my life.  People who have supported me, forgiven me, encouraged me. Good, loving, kind people who are traveling a purposeful road in life.  These people have helped me become the ME I am today. Then I thought about people who have created turmoil or unhappiness in my life and thought, “They are just as much a piece of me as the others.  I am grateful to them also.”  A family member struggling with mental illness and drugs.  Another who found fault with everyone, including me.  Old bosses who didn’t appreciate my contributions to the corporate world. My list grew.  How about a man in prison?  A woman in Africa dying of AIDS?  A … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Love, Self Awareness
© Wise Women Chronicles, Karen Young • Wise Women Banner Illustration by Kimberly Mayden
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