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Category Archives: Death

What Was An “Ah Ha” Moment For You?

Wise Women Chronicles

My Ah Ha Moment Was About My Sis:

A couple of years ago our Book Club read “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed (back when we were actually reading books instead of discussing Life). If you haven’t read the book or seen the movie starring Reese Witherspoon, do so.  Both are worthy of your time and your tears.

I was quite uncomfortable reading about the lifestyle and risks Cheryl Strayed took.  At our meeting I emphatically stated, “It is totally unnecessary to personally experience the peaks and valleys someone else takes on their Hero’s Journey in order to learn the lessons.  You can simply analyze another’s journey, compare it to your own and then make the changes that would incorporate that knowledge without the pain.” Emphasis on without the pain.

I still believe that argument, to a certain extent.  Logically, life could not have kept moving forward if evolution hadn’t included moments of “Oh, don’t try to pet that saber tooth tiger like your dead friend did.  Kill it before it kills you!”  We humans are trainable.

My AHA moment came several days later during a therapeutic massage/somato emotional release when I connected my anger with Cheryl’s “Wild” life and my residual anger with one of my siblings.  Sis #3 whose own Wild life came to an abrupt end in 2007 at the age of 42.

Despite her self destructive life choices, Cheryl Strayed changed her life as she took her Hero’s Journey walking 1,100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) for 94 days.  She learned her lessons, restarted her life, wrote her book and shared her hard won wisdom with millions of people.  Cheryl continues writing books, touring the country and inspiring people to find their Truth.

My Sis didn’t walk the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT).  She climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. Sis white water rafted.  Biked across the Midwest. Participated in triathlons.  Catapulted up the corporate chain.  She was the Queen of Charm and the Princess of Everything Else. Her highs were sooo high.  Those of us who loved her thrilled at her adventures and tucked a tiny portion of her successes into our souls. We were filled with pride and admiration of her courage and tenacity.

Sis also walked the path that led Cheryl Strayed to the PCT.  A path littered with abusive partners, addiction, deceit and desperation.  Her lows were bottomless.  Those of us who loved her worried and watched with concern during those dark years.  After an intervention and some serious life work Sis, like Cheryl, came out on the other side. She made it through the woods.  She completed her Hero’s Journey, learned her lessons, made many changes, found more peace than she had previously known–and then boom. Speeding down a hill on her bike, she did not brake nor see the truck.

My anger, I realized, was not at they way she used to live, but that she no longer lived. So many people loved her.  She had fierce friends.  Respected colleagues.  Family that adored her.  She lit up a room and lived her life full out.  As a little girl she used to say, “Look at me!”  And we all did.  She did not burn both ends of a candle.  Sis burned both ends of a huge Roman candle.  The resulting fireworks display was memorable and magnificent!  And in the end, deadly.

Eleven years later, I still miss her. Watching her life was like watching the solar eclipse.  Thrilling up to the point when you have to look away or else be blinded. Sis did not blink.  Ever.  I am now at peace because I believe she accomplished all she came to Earth to experience and she has moved on to her next great adventure.  One that us mere mortals cannot see.

AHA moments are filled with joy, wonder and tears.
And sometimes pain.
I am so grateful that my little sister
continues to teach me
how to live
with all the above.

 

Posted in Acceptance, Addiction, Change, Death, Experience, Hero's Journey, Love, Memory, Mission, Self Awareness

How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

Wise Women Chronicles

I Want To Be Remembered: As someone who unabashedly and out loud expressed my feelings of joy, surprise, glee or sorrow. I did so as a child. Why not as an adult? As a person who spoke her truth, without stooping to sarcasm or snarkiness. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. So people will know what I stand for and what I won’t tolerate. As a Mom who loved my kids with the fierceness of a protective lioness, the gentle nurturing of a doe, the playfulness of a squirrel and the wisdom of the mother bird who demonstrates to her children how to safely and successfully leave the nest and build their own. As a wife who loved, respected and appreciated my husband as a fellow human, my life partner, the father and co-raiser of my children, an excellent provider, protector and heart mate. As a … Continue reading →

Posted in Children, Death, Experience, Listening, Love, Marriage, Memory, Motherhood, Self Awareness

What Happens When We Die?

Wise Women Chronicles

I Don’t Know. I was raised Lutheran, loved going to Sunday School and prayed daily to my God.  The guy with the long beard sitting on a throne in Heaven.  I was promised that when I died, if I had been a “good girl,” I would go to Heaven. Even if I made some bad mistakes, I could “erase” them from my slate by doing good deeds–and still get into Heaven.  My body would be dead but my Soul would be in Heaven with God.  I was totally satisfied with this concept. Until 6th grade, when a friend explained Reincarnation to me.  It made so much sense! The body dies and returns to the earth (“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust”) and the Soul gets another chance in another body. God didn’t want me to fail!  He promised I could be with Him.  Even if it took me 2 or … Continue reading →

Posted in Death, Heaven, Reincarnation, Self Awareness, Soul

When is Your Hardest Time of the Year?

Wise Women Chronicles

  My Hardest Times of the Year–July and January. My Months of Loss. My sister and my father in July. My two sister in laws in January. Months we celebrate Independence and New beginnings. For me, these months were painful.  Unbearable. So I wrote down my sadness.  Rolled in my sorrow. After time and tears, I began to feel joy again, And I rejoiced, Knowing they had safely journeyed Home. Here are some of my messages, to them and to those of us left behind, waiting to be reunited. We do not choose our fates and futures. They choose us. Because we have earned them. Because they move us along our path. They are not punishments. They are rewards. For being human, And vulnerable, And open To Love. I don’t simply admire my brothers. I aspire to be like my brothers. Gentle. Loving. Filled not with Duty but with Devotion. … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Change, Death, Love, Memory, Self Awareness

Who Would You Like to Have a “Curiosity Conversation With?

Wise Women Chronicles

Who Would I Like to Have a Curiosity Conversation With? I would talk to someone who has passed on.  My Dad. I would ask him about his childhood, growing up in the Al Capone/Chicago mafia controlled Cicero, Illinois. I’m curious about his parents coming over from Europe as teenagers. How did they meet? Who and what did they leave behind? Then I’d ask him about the two wars he fought in–World War II and Korea–that he always refused to discuss with us kids.  Was he scared?  How did he cope?  What thoughts gave him courage?  How did war change him? I’m curious about he felt about playing college football and falling in love with the cheerleader who became his wife and my Mom.  What made college so special that he went back to his reunions every year for over 50 years? I want to know more about my childhood.  What … Continue reading →

Posted in Death, Fathers/Fatherhood, Love, Memory

A Poem for Mother’s Day

Wise Women Chronicles

For my mother, your mother and every mother who ever was and will ever be. The Fairy Mound “He’s a hero,” they say, When a great deed is done, By a giant, a knight or a lord. But a mother’s love, For her newborn child, Is mightier than any sword. She went to the mound, The Fairy Mound, To rescue her stolen child. She went to the mound, The Fairy Mound, Without weapons, fierce or wild. ‘Twas gifts she brought, Made by her hands, To buy back her child fair. A robe of feathers, Soft and white, Embroidered with her hair. It bought her way, Into the Mound, Filled with the Fairy Folk. The King of the Fey, She had to face, And this is what she spoke: “I made a harp, Of hair and bone. Hear now its lovely sound.” And when she plucked Its golden strings, Song filled … Continue reading →

Posted in Children, Death, Motherhood | Tagged Motherhood
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